Manassas, VA – Microsoft computer mogul Bill Gates paid sixty million dollars on Thursday for a ticket to Alice in Wonderland at Theatre for the Community because he had inadvertently come on “Pay What You Can Night.”
“Damn! I hate Pay What You Can Night,” said Gates, who along with his wife Melinda and U2 frontman Bono was named TIME Magazine Man of the Year for his philanthropic pursuits. “I wouldn’t normally pay more than five thousand for a ticket to Alice.”
Gates revealed that when he originally received the bad news that he had arrived on Pay What You Can Night, he intended to pay by credit card. “I have a two hundred million dollar Visa line of credit, but when they swiped my card in their credit card imprinting machine it just started jumping around and smoking. So I took the card back and paid what was in my pocket,” which amounted to $60 million.
Melinda Gates got off a little easier – only $12 million. “She had been shopping earlier in the day,” Gates acknowledged. The Gates had been in town to discuss anti-hunger programs with select members of Congress.
A spokesperson for Theatre for the Community stated, “urk! Gasp….ah, God in Heaven. Heewww….ah!”
In related news, Spooky Action Theater, which offers all of its shows on a pay-what-you-can basis, reportedly invited Mr. Gates to become a lifetime subscriber.
(Don’t worry, folks — this is just an April Fool’s hoax! Spooky Action isn’t really pay what you can — it’s free!)