In the wake of recent news of the renaming of George Mason University’s Law School after controversial conservative political figure Antonin Scalia, DC Theatre Scene has confirmed a new and perhaps even more controversial appellation change that will rock the theater world.
In an exclusive to DC Theatre Scene, hamster-coiffed plutocrat and leading presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has announced the purchase of the naming rights to the Kennedy Center for an undisclosed sum.
“This will be yuge,” said the New York real estate mogul and known megalomaniac, “Not only for the Trump brand, but also for the people of America.”
When asked if his purchase of the naming rights would have any effect on the content or appearance of the famous DC arts landmark, Trump, who once made out on camera with drag-clad Rudy Giuliani, remarked, “Nothing much. We’re gonna clear away that hideous terrace. We’ve got a construction company coming that’ll put something personal on the top instead of that dumb green space. Plants are for hippies.”
When further pressed about those changes, the policy-less charlatan who literally hundreds of thousands of Americans have voted for merely said, “Oh, y’know, we’ll do something special,” and winked, causing several holy relics brought by this reporter for protection to burst into flames.
Protests have erupted from artists around the city and the world over the renaming. “I won’t stand for it,” said local acrobat, Francoise Gillebrand. “I’ll never perform there again unless the money is really really good. Like Toby’s Dinner Theatre good.”
Not all agree though. “I’m frankly looking forward to a boycott,” said triple threat actor/singer/sleight-of-hand magician Kenneth Harris-Harris. “I don’t have a problem with Trump. I don’t get into politics. I’ve got way too much privilege and far too many bills to care about what happens to the Kennedy Center or, to be real, America.”
[Editor’s note: This has certainly been the day for ground breaking news. This morning we received news from Seymour Clearly. And now this, which clearly trumps it all.]